Humor
Pointless Stories

Ok, here’s the drill people. These are all the very stupid stories I wrote with friends. The only catch is that we could only write 3 words at a time.

* It All Started With Some Mud
written with Val

It was a quiet day. The wind was very cold. Little children played games in the sticky bad-smelling mud. Even though it was nasty, they thought it grand and threw mucky, slimy mud at Sarah. Sarah poked Val.

"Ow!" Val growled. Sarah grinned innocently. Val glared balefully. Sarah threw mud at Val, who threw mud back and hit Sarah on the head, causing Val to throw some more. But Val got bored and decided to walk away. Sarah meanwhile kicked the kids' asses which were muddy and dirtied Sarah's wonderful new shoes.

"Aw, poor baby."

Sarah grumbled and Val returned, grinning. Scowling, Sarah cleaned her shoes with an old newpaper and a lighter, with which she set her shoes aflame on accident. Val fell over laughing, as Sarah did some fire-dancing and burned those brand new shoes right off her feet and crispy-fried her poor toes. Val got some water and washed Sarah's toes away.

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!"

"Oooops. Did I do that?" Val said in an amused voice "Hee hee hee."

"Shut up" Sarah growled at Val. She looked at her maimed feet and cried streams and rivers of orange jelly that stained her white shirt yellow. Sarah snarled at Val, who raised her hand to flick some jelly off Sarah's nose. Then Val ate some jelly and gagged at the bitter yucky marmalade taste.

"Hahaha," Sarah laughed as Val spat the nasty substance and opened her mouth to say "You cry MARMALADE????"

"So?" Sarah questioned,

"I hate marmalade! It's the worst thing ever created."

Sarah shrugged. "You should see what color your teeth look like after you ate that."

Val passed out. Sarah blinked and danced happily on top of Val's hair. Val awoke up and shoved Sarah down the pee-infested kiddy slide. Val jumped up as Sarah whined. "I've fallen and I'm covered in little kid shit!" Sarah twitched uncontrollably as Val picked up a homicidal daisy and held it between her fingers. The daisy spun and its petals sliced Val's fingers clean off. Blue blood spurted as Sarah laughed hysterically. Val screamed and waved her fingerless hand as the blue blood continued to spurt. The now dismembered friends killed the daisy. They were so merciless as they tore off the daisy's petals and killed the children who started the whole ordeal. Sarah watched in fascination as the evil demon children ran around screaming and fleeing from the murderers of their demonic parents. Val cackled with Sarah as they ignored the other people watched the two in terror as their blood flowed from their wounds.

"You're dying!" one woman screamed as her husband died from shock.

* Blame It On the Gorilla
written with Lex

Alex sat on a giant gorilla who was very ugly and had a spiky head. The gorilla yelled and grabbed Alex's head and poked his eyes. Alex cried out and kicked the gorilla in the face. The gorilla slapped Alex through a glass window, then roared and stomped on shattered glass. He cut his feet and howled in agony. Alex unfurled his wings and flew up and smacked into a mac truck. "X.X"

Meanwhile, Shiori watched from afar. The gorilla smelled some cooking pies and started drooling. The gorilla rushed and tripped over poor little Shiori who had curled into a ball and slept peacefully. Shiori awoke, confused, and asked aloud, "Why are there gorillas and mack trucks inside the Institute? I mean, it's not like this is the circus! We're in a frelling school, for frell's sake!"

Alex woke up and turned to Ororo. "Kill me with a shrubbery!"

Ororo blinked. "A what?" she asked.

"A shrubbery!" Alex ((unfinished because my comp decided to kill itself))

* Elvish Ways
written with Jenn

The day was very sad and gloomy because a rabid rabbit came and ate all of the children who had noparents because they had barbecued them in horrible rage because they had eaten their dollies for nutrition. The end of the world has no affect whatsoever on anyone because it was a stupid lie. After hours of dead silence the two elves were not happy with the way people were so overly fat and full of shit. The two elves liked to sing with their high-pitched horrible girly voices even though they were not singers nor girls. So they did not gather a great bunch of fans.

One elf said, "I hate the way our feet look long and gnarled. Why can't the world die and leave us alone in our secret little yacht?" So the elf and his girly companion skipped off along the cherry trees where the prancing mice squeaked their horrible melodies.

"AHHHH!!" cried the elves as they fell from sheer pain as the mice danced on in their gay little way atop the lake of fire. The elves canoed on the flames, but miraculously did not get burnt because the canoe was made from an insulated vacuum cleaner. Then as the canoe drifted to their destination, Babbleness the horrid way of the hobo masters, screamed their way towards the glowing passage of fire inside the gaping breaths of the putrid green gas.

* The Rats of Darkness
written with Azy

In the small dark hole there were millions of tiny flesh-eating rats, whose entire existance was dedicated to lazing around and eating flesh-flavoured cheese. They loved that kind of chesse, and liked Cat. Cat was a rainbow-speckled variety of flammable sheep that tap-danced to jazz and sang opera when someone sneezed. Since they lived in black abyss they had a solitary lit room where they practiced tae-kwon-chicken-dance along with worshiping their god, a large inflatable cow called Mou. Every day the inflatable cow danced despite being inflatable, and the rainbow-coloured Cat sang opera in a tribute to each other. They were in a large, boiling pot of blackness and because they were in this, the rats always knawed on walls made of flesh-flavored stone. This helped Mou and Cat rule over the kingdom of rats who ate walls of flesh-flavored cheese-stone. One day, a giant meteor tore a hole in thier black abyss. This angered them and they asked why the giant meteor killed thousands of the rats. Mou and Cat combined their powers and sewed the hole shut with string cheese and flesh-flavoured concrete that made a great barrier from the combination of materials. "Rawr" went the rats as they scurried over the two Gods. Happy, they sang opera while both Gods made it rain liquid cheese. Everyone lived happily ever.